Advice to Singles: Forget the Fairy Tale

As little girls, we grew up watching Disney fairy tales and pretending we were one of them, waiting for Prince Charming to break the spell with a kiss, sweep us off our feet and live "happily ever after".

When we were kids, we believed that we'll grow up pretty like the princesses, have shiny tresses that sway in the wind and slim, svelte bodies that look good in any outfit (Didn't Cinderella look stunning in rags and an apron, and Ariel in a tail and fins?) But we grew up and had zits and bad hair days, and PMS, and heartaches. And Prince Charming? While in fairy tales, you kiss frogs and they turn into men, in real life, you learn that kissing men could actually turn them into "frogs".

But more than anything, I think fairy tales have a way of distorting the truth about marriage. It suggests that once two people marry, they are bound to a life of "happy ever after". Another interpretation is that all of us are one-half of a whole, and that we won't really be complete until we find ourselves a husband for us to truly find happiness. That is why a lot of women are willing to do everything just to find themselves a husband. 

They compromise their standards and settle for what's available just to get married at all costs. They consult fortune tellers, wear charms, recite mantras, flirt, date randomly and settle for every prospective man they meet.

Desperation reeks like a bad perfume. And instead of finding the right man, they jump from one bad relationship to the next, setting them up for one heartbreak to another.

The truth is, you can be married and still feel anxious. You may feel like you married Prince Charming -- strong-jawed, big biceps, ruggedly handsome -- you may feel like you won the husband lottery. But once the fairy dust wears off, reality sets in and the flaws begin to show, you realize that no magic spell might be enough to keep you together.

You can be married and still feel incomplete. Being married does not allay your fears, in fact, it even magnifies them. When you marry, your problems actually become bigger. After getting married, you get concerned about having children. With having children, you have to worry about food, medical expenses, school funds, insurance, and a lot of other "adult problems".

This is definitely NOT what I had signed up for!

I am not discouraging you against getting married. I actually want to marry eventually (but only to the man God wants for me). I am only saying that marriage will not complete you and that it should not be your ultimate purpose. Being a wife and a mother, although a good thing, is not the end-all-be-all of your existence. And if you, like me, are waiting for that appointed time when you would meet the man of your dreams, do not despair. You may be waiting for a while (even longer), but rest assured that no time is wasted. God knows what He is doing and that you are exactly where God wants you to be at this moment. He is both preparing you and your future husband for your beautiful love story to unfold.

God plants desires in our hearts. So if you have a desire in your heart to marry, know that God has placed that longing in your heart. God is good and true. His love endures forever. Have faith that He loves you and wants only what is best for you. If He knows that it will be best for you to marry, He will give it to you -- only in His timetable, not yours.

While you are in the season of waiting, I want to impart to you a valuable lesson: the story of Rebekkah from the Bible.

Rebekkah was no princess. She was a priest's daughter. She knew the hard life. Every day, she and her sisters draw water from the well for drinking. It was on one of these occasions that she was chosen to be the wife of the only son of the wealthiest man in all of Jerusalem.

Let me offer some context. Abraham, in his old age, instructed one of his servants to look for a wife for his son and heir Isaac. The servant, who traveled a long distance prayed to the Lord for a sign -- that the woman the Lord has chosen for his master shall give him and his camels water to drink. That seemed to be a pretty reasonable thing for the gentlemen to ask for coming a long way. But it wasn't as easy as it seemed. Camels are known to drink bucket loads of water after a very long trip in the desert. When the servant asked Rebekkah for water, she offered to give to each of his camels as well. It meant having to draw water from a deep well a number of times to quench the thirst of a stranger and his herd of stinky camels. Assuming there were at least 10 camels who each can gulp 10 buckets of water, that means Rebekkah had to draw water at least 100 times! All this without Rebekkah even asking what's in it for her.

There is an interesting bit of this story that is often unnoticed, but serves a very essential reminder to all women-in-waiting. The servant found Rebekkah in an act of service -- she was not waiting idly, she was not lazy.

Ladies, you don't have to play damsel-in-distress and wait for your knight in shining armor and his mighty steed to carry you off in his castle where you will live happily ever after.

Be like Rebekkah. On that fateful day, I doubt if she had known that good fortune was coming for her. She definitely wasn't aware that she was bucket loads of water away from meeting the man of her dreams. She simply did the right thing. She didn't have to bat her eyelashes, pout her lips, or wear skimpy clothing. Her beauty radiated through her act of service. As a result, she did not only get herself a husband, but became a part of the lineage of Jesus himself. By allowing love to find her, instead of her doing the work herself, she allowed God to give her the best destiny possible.

When we do the tasks we have at hand with joy and the intent of honoring God, it becomes an act of worship to the Lord. While waiting, remain in an act of worship. Be excellent in all that you do and allow God to give you the sweetest reward. It may come in the form of the husband you were praying for, but even if the answer is different, let the "joy of the Lord" be your strength and your purpose.

And lastly, I want to remind you of the love you deserve. You deserve a man who will not only be your lover, but your protector, provider and leader. More than sweeping you off your feet, he will lead you to Jesus and be a man fitting of your submission and respect. With this kind of man, you don't need to compromise or or bend over backwards just to get their approval. Allow God to bring into your life the person that He has prepared for you.  

While you wait, enjoy life and be all you want to be. Use this time to enjoy the things that freedom offers (with caution, of course) while you are not yet encumbered by the concerns of having a husband and children.

While you are waiting, I advise you to look for role models. Christian couples whose married lives bring honor to God, whose center is the love of Christ and are rooted in the word of the Lord. Follow their examples. Aspire for a love like theirs. It won't be easy, but a godly union is blessed beyond compare. And if God asks you to wait a little while to experience that kind of love, don't you think it is all worth it?

Merrell Adventure Run 2013: My first trail run

Exactly a week after my Mt. Pulag trek, I conquered again another mountain -- only this time, I ran.

It was for the Merrell Adventure Run 2013 -- my first trail run. By definition, trail running is:

"a sport which consists of running and hiking over trails. It differs from road running and track running in that it generally takes place on hiking trails, often in mountainous terrain, where there can be much larger ascends and descends." 

Since I started joining (fun) runs in January, I've been actively scouting for runs to join. In keeping with my "one-run-a-month" challenge, I was browsing online for my April run. I wanted something different and more challenging since April is also my birth month. Luckily, a friend introduced us to the Merrell Adventure Run. Kuya Nonoy is an accomplished athlete and runs his own blog called "trails unlimited". He did a test run on the trail and recommended that we register for the run. He can be very convincing, mind you! And so, last April 6, my friend Gina (also a trail run rookie) decided to take on the challenge and registered at the Merrell branch in Trinoma.

The Merrell run was scheduled for April 27 -- precisely a week after our previously scheduled Mt. Pulag hike. Right after signing up for the trail run, I had sudden apprehensions. Was I ready for it? What did I get myself into? Two mountains in a week? Backing out wasn't really an option at this point since we've already registered. The slots aren't transferrable, and I wasn't going to waste the PhP 650 registration fee.

Fast forward

Two weeks after our trail run and I must say, I'm glad I did it.

It wasn't easy... but so are most of the best things in life. Ang pinakamasasarap na karanasan sa buhay ay yung pinaghihirapan. The harder they are to accomplish, the greater the fulfillment and sense of accomplishment.

Upon reaching the summit, I was both relieved and very proud of myself. I finished 346th out of 476 runners. Not very impressive, but not an easy feat either. Not bad for my first trail run.

Got my name spelled wrong. :(

I ran 5k, but was told that the effort of running trails are actually double that of road runs, so it was like running 10k on a level running field.

I also fell instantly in love with the beautiful Mt. Sinai in San Mateo, Rizal. If I get another chance, I would definitely sign up for another trail run. I'd probably stick to 5k, though. Haha!

I thank God for the opportunity and the strength to climb and run mountains! :)

Runners going up the starting line

Gunstart at 6:00 am

Beautiful backdrop of Mt. Sinai

With my gal pal Gina. 

We did it!

It wasn't called Mt. Sinai for nothing. At the summit , you'll find  a shrine of the 10 commandments. 

In order of dirtiness: mine, Gina's and Ate Karen's

My Mt. Pulag journey

“Mountains are not Stadiums where I satisfy my ambition to achieve, they are the cathedrals where I practice my religion.” 

― Anatoli Boukreev

Many of my Facebook friends were surprised (I hope in a good way) to learn that I went on a hiking trip to Mt. Pulag in Benguet two weeks ago. Still on the heavy side and not at all an active outdoor person, I must be the last person they'd imagine to try trekking the third highest peak in the country (first in Luzon). I had qualms, too, to be honest. If I had not already paid for the tour package, I would've just shrugged at the thought and walked away to the nearest mall and cooled down with a mocha frappe or shopped for a new pair of shoes. It's just not my thing, I told myself.

But there was something in me that wanted so much to go. To know how far my feet could take me, how much my strength could sustain me. I knew that this was a test of faith and courage -- that despite myself and my limits, God will cloak me with His protection and give me the strength that I would need. "For God did not give us a spirit of fear..." (2Tim. 1:7). With this verse resonating so strongly in my mind, I decided to go. 

Needless to say, there were a few apprehensions before the trip. My father suffered a stroke just right after my birthday on April 10. We were supposed to leave for Benguet on April 19, and I thought if papa won't be well by then, I won't go. I also did not have the appropriate hiking gear and I'd rather spend on papa's medicines that buy expensive outdoor equipment. I really thought of these as signs that I shouldn't push through. But God thought otherwise. 

Blessings after blessings came my way. Papa is a beneficiary of our office's medical insurance, so his hospitalization fees were covered. His friends have also chipped in to help finance cost of his medicines and therapy. By God's grace, his condition stabilized by Wednesday (April 17), and by Thursday (April 18), he was discharged. Papa and Mama gave me their blessings to go to Pulag and I was really grateful that his recovery came right on time so I could go on with the trip without worrying about him too much. God had also provided faithfully to our needs financially. 

As for the gear, God had also well orchestrated meetings with friends who've previously hiked and they lent me their equipment. By Thursday I had everything I needed for the trip -- jackets (which I bought from thrift shops for PhP 15.00), sleeping bag, headlamp, hiking bag, gloves, etc. I take these miracles as God giving me the go signal for my first hike. :)

The Lord really won't take "No" for an answer. Once He plants desire in one's heart, all we need is to obey Him and let things take their course. Only He could turn the impossible into possibilities. 

So off we went...

First stop was in Baguio City. 

We were about 18 in the group. I only really know seven people prior to the trip. My friend-discipler Tin, who invited me; Adrian, who I invited; and Tin's friends Kim, Jesza and Christian, who also attend VCF; and  couple Ana and Jhay, also Tin's friends. The others are from either Kim's or Tin's circle of friends. I count it a wonderful bonus to have gone home not only richer in experience, but in friends as well. :)

I won't go into too much detail about the hike, as it would be two-days worth of recount. I'd like instead to break to you the news:

I did not make it to the summit. 

I barely even made it to the junior summit, the second highest peak. Personally, I think the Junior summit was named such because it's a sort of consolation for those who were not able to get to the summit.

I made it to this point, though. It was still very high, right above the grassland summit where we camped. They had no name for it, but I'd like to call it "My Summit." The highest part of the mountain that I could reach by foot. It may not have the "sea of clouds" that the summit boasts of, but I was content. After all, I am no hiker. And reaching this far was already a major achievement.

Of course, my friends were disappointed. After all, reaching the summit together was what we had set out to do. But I knew my limits. By 4:00 am, the temperature was nearing negative and I was chilling like crazy. I asked the tour guide how long and how far the summit is from camp and he said it would take at least an hour to get to the top. Between quick breaths and chattering teeth, I told my friends, "Hindi ko kaya. Kayo na lang." I went back to the tent, buried myself in layers of clothing and went back to sleep.

There was not a bit of regret in me. I remember sleeping through the biting cold peacefully. Wala akong pinagsisihan.

This is one example where the journey is more important than the destination.

Had I pushed for the summit, I would've overstretched my capacity, gotten injured, or worse, died. (Only weeks before our Pulag hike, a hiker was found dead on Mt. Maculot  in Batangas).

I listened to my body and knew that it was in no condition to go further. Safety was my priority.

I knew that I would not be glorifying God if I insisted on doing something I knew I wasn't fit enough to do.

I knew that by thinking of my safety above all things, I was honoring my body, my life and ultimately my Maker.

I woke up past sunrise, with no slips, no falls, no injuries. My shoulders did hurt because of the heavy load I had to haul up during the hike, but my legs were fine. This I credit to my weekend jogs and the Zumba sessions I so religiously attend at the gym. I was still able to go to work the next day and host an event the day after, all because I kept safe.

The Pulag experience is once-in-a-lifetime, summit or no summit. I doubt if there would be another climb, the negative degree temperature was rather traumatic. (haha!) But I am still grateful to God and my new friends for this wonderful journey.

Hey there!

Hi there. I am back. Well, I'll try to be. It's been a long hiatus from blogging, and I miss it sorely. That, and I find it weird that I haven't been blogging because I've got truckloads to write about.

It's been a wonderful journey, so far. From my last entry, I've been blessed immensely. First off, I just hit the 6th month at work. I'm now a regular employee and am reaping the perks, oh yeah! I've also had a wonderful vacation in Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte early this month with two friends from work. It was a sweet escape -- a milestone, since it was my first time to go to Ilocos. I only wish I had stayed at least a day longer to meet my relatives in San Nicolas. Well, that's one more reason to be back to Ilocos (hopefully, in two years time). 

I just turned 27 and it has been one of the most memorable birthdays. I'll post more on that in the next few days. One of my resolutions as I near my 30th year is to travel to as many places as I can. So I am really scouting for great places to visit -- in the Philippines and abroad. This weekend, my friends and I are hiking Mt. Pulag, the third highest peak in the country! It's my first time to climb, and I am just so excited! Most of my companions are rookies, too! Good luck sa amin.

I will be gone for four days. I'll try to update this blog as soon as I get back from the hike. :) Please pray for travel mercies. Please pray too that I keep to my word and update this blog. God's been blessing me so wonderfully that I wanna share them to the world! (or to whoever cares to read this blog). :)

I leave you with this OOTD post. I'm actually wearing my mom's clothes there (the whole ensemble minus the shoes, we're not the same size). I've dropped a few pounds, and I'm so thrilled. The weekend jogs and Zumba dates are working after all... :)

HOW I DID IT: Break-up recovery tips for women

Yesterday, I bumped into a former professor. I was surprised that she looked much older (the last time I saw her was only several months back). Her eyes were also red and puffy, as though she’d just cried. We were pretty tight back in college so I asked her why. Turned out, she’s been in a break-up. Worse, it’s been a year since and she apparently hasn’t gotten over it yet.

 We decided to sit down and talk. We found a secluded part of the campus and there she spilled out to me the details. They were together for four years and parted late last year due to “irreconcilable differences.” Until now, she admits she hasn’t completely moved on. And it showed! When it was my turn to share with her, I told her that I’ve recently gone through a break-up myself. I told her it had been six months since my break-up. I told her how I’ve coped, how I was able to turn my life around. I told her that when I’ve finally learned to ‘let go and let God,’ things have started looking up for me.  The event turned out to be a blessing to me after all.

 She said, “How did you do it? Tell me.” And I did. I didn’t imagine that I would one day advise other women, let alone a former professor, on how to recover from a painful break-up. But God, when He allowed this trial to happen to me, must’ve known I would one day be an instrument and (hopefully) an inspiration to other women. I remember a line from the book of Psalm: “My life is an example to many because you have been my strength and my protection.” (Ps. 71:7) that pretty much sums up what I feel right now.

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of sad stories about women whose break-ups have so badly affected them, one story even ended in suicide.

Things like this shouldn’t even happen. It prompted me to make it my personal advocacy to help those who are going through the same by sharing some of what I’ve learned. Now, there is no cut-and-dried formula when it comes to break-up recovery. I just know that if these worked for me, I urge you to try them out for yourself. You’ve got nothing to lose anyway. So, if you are a single woman still struggling with memories and remorse over love lost, I pray that these tips would help you, and like me, be able to turn your feelings of defeat into triumph.  

1. No contact 

 One of the biggest mistakes we make after a break-up is to try to win the person back by calling and texting them incessantly. I remember the first few weeks after my break-up, I bombarded my ex’s phone with lengthy texts, appealing to his guilt, pleading him to stay. After nagging him for some time, he decided to reject my calls and ignore me completely. I later realized how clingy I had become. And clingly = unattractive. Chasing after a guy sends a clear message: desperation. Besides, it might only further inflate his ego. Chances are he might stall you for some time, while he enjoys the attention.

Men are repulsed when women chase after them. After all, it is a man’s nature to pursue. When roles are reversed, things could turn ugly. So don’t ever chase after your guy. Freedom is the utmost importance to a man. Don’t call, text, chat or email him, especially if your motives are to get back together. Wait for him to make the first move. If he still wants you, he will.

.  

 My advice is to keep a no-contact rule for at least 60 days. They say it takes about that long a time to form a habit. In the meantime, keep yourself busy. This is probably the most difficult part of the process, but trust me, it works. This no-contact includes keeping yourself from stalking your ex on Facebook or Twitter.

Remember, it is not your obligation to suffer. We may not admit it, but most of our pain are self-inflicted. You know you shouldn’t be looking at you ex’s photos anymore, but you do. Stop torturing yourself. The quickest way I got over my ex is when I stopped asking about him. The less I know, the less I hurt. Don’t they say that “ignorance is bliss”? It’s true!

  2. Stop over-idealizing your ex 

One common thing I noticed among women who couldn’t get over their exes is that they over-idealize them. When we are so in-love, our perception of our mates tend to be clouded and biased. Isn't the "heart the most deceitful of all things? (Jeremiah 17:9)Women are particularly guilty of this. We magnify our men’s good qualities and discard the bad ones. Sadly, this perception carries over until after the break-up. We’d often hear women cry, “He’s the best. There’s no one like him.” This is a very unhealthy line of thinking and could later result to losing one’s self-esteem.

Michelle Hammond, Christian woman and author of ‘What to do until love finds you’, says “It is hard to see the trees if you stand too close to the forest.” It usually takes a step back in order to better get a view of a situation. While you were so in love with your ex, all you could see were how perfect his set of white teeth were, how he was so good in Math, or how sweetly he sang. What you might’ve overlooked were the things that you didn’t have in common. You must’ve thought these things to be trivial. But isn’t that big problems start small?

Stop over-idealizing your ex. Put them down that pedestal. More often than not, they don’t deserve to be there. Worship is anything you lift up as a priority. “Worshiping” your ex is idolatry. And idolatry, as you may very well know, is sin.

3. Have a life 

Instead of wallowing with your girlfriends, or strategizing the best way to get your ex back, get a life! Your ex is likely having the time of his life without you (mostly true if he’s the dumper). Don’t ever allow yourself to be stuck in the losing end.

Broaden your territory. Get out of your comfort zone. Go out and meet as many people with different interests and backgrounds. You will likely discover new things about yourself in the process. Things you don’t even know about yourself. Through interaction with other people, you’ll also learn to rid of stereotypes and be more sociable.

Meeting people and engaging in new activities is also a way to keep your mind off your break-up. An old adage goes, “the idle mind is the playground of the devil.” You don’t want the enemy running free in your mind, feeding you with His lies, do you? So keep yourself busy. Be productive. Aim for a promotion at work. Learn a new hobby or craft. Plan a trip. Start a blog (I did!). Make a scrapbook. Watch a movie. Sign up for the gym. The list goes on… you’ll see that there are tons of interesting things to do with all the extra time you have in your hands.

   

There was a time after the break-up when workload was too much. I complained to a friend that I was so busy with work that I couldn’t even “grieve” the demise of my relationship. But in retrospect, I know that being busy then was one of God’s little favors. He had kept me so busy that I did not have idle time to waste in useless wallowing and self-pity. The Bible says, “God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time brooding over the past.” (Ecclesiates 5:20)

4. Love yourself 

Now is the time to invest in yourself. Make yourself better physically, intellectually, emotionally and professionally. Pamper yourself, girl. Go to a spa. Get that haircut you’ve always wanted. Learn to do your make-up. Catch up on your reading. Re-paint your room. Small things like this lead to big things collectively. When you start feeling good about yourself, it’ll show in your actions and radiate in your face. Women who are confident in their own beauty reflect a natural glow that no store-bought mist can give. Remember, you are already beautiful in God’s eyes. Weren’t you “fearfully and wonderfully made”? (Psalm 139:14).

Improving yourself does two things: first, it shows your ex that the heartbreak he caused you had not crushed you, but made you better. Secondly, it regains lost confidence. Doesn’t it make you feel good when people compliment you for the way you dress or how much pounds you’ve lost? Becoming better after a break-up, they say, is the sweetest form of revenge. But more importantly, do it for yourself.    

5. Shift your focus to God 

When a piece of appliance gets broken, you bring it to the manufacturer for repair. It is the same with our hearts. When your heart gets broken, you should lift it up to its Maker. No one can mend it better than Him. And another good news is… the warranty never expires. The service center is open 24/7. The hotline is never busy.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 34:18)

God wants you to make him a part of your life – every aspect of it. More importantly, your pain and suffering. Don’t our earthly fathers want us to open up to them and spill to them our secrets? Our heavenly Father is no different, and He can offer us more than just a ready ear and a shoulder to cry on. He offers healing. He offers comfort. Turn over your heart to Him and you will be a changed woman. I know I am.

“The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)

Instead of looking for love and validation from your man, shift your focus to God. Admit to Him that you did not do a good job of guarding your heart and ask Him to take over it this time. Men will always fall short of our expectations. They won’t be the same today as they will be when you’re already married. Christ, on the other hand, is “the same yesterday, today and forever”. (Hebrews 13:8) You can expect His love to remain steadfast even when you put on weight or when wrinkles start showing on your face.

Shifting your focus on God’s love instead of your man’s changes your perspective on love. It elevates your standards. Knowing how precious God sees and loves you (Isaiah 43:4), you will learn to appreciate your worth and will not just settle for anything less than what God thinks is best for you.

***
So the next time you pass by that favorite spot in the highway of your mind and you think you’re heading for cryfest again, stop in your tracks. Utter a short prayer. Remember who you are in Christ. You are treasured, favored and beloved in God’s eyes, and no mere mortal should ever make you feel otherwise.

It’ll be over soon, you’ll see.

Letter to my unknown husband

When my friend Tin first learned I was starting a Christian blog, she recommended I read Paul's Ponderings, which she has been following for two years now. One of my favorite posts was about the author's prayers for his "unknown wife." (the articles are now archived under the "singles" category in his blog since he is now married to the love of his life!)

For years, Paul has made it his habit to pray for his then-unknown wife three times every day. Talk about devotion! He cites two reasons for doing this:

"During each time of prayer I say a prayer for my wife. I do this for two reasons. The first reason is to lay her life in the hands of God, teaching myself to trust Him to guide and protect her life. The second reason is to help my heart form an attachment to her, even though we are apart. I need to be constantly reminded that what I do right now will eventually effect her as well."

Upon reading his entries, I immediately fell in love with the idea, and being a single Christian woman, I thought it was just rightful to pray for my future mate. I think it is also a pretty reasonable thing to do. After all, whatever becomes of him will affect the rest of my life as well. Lately, I have been including my "unknown husband" in my prayers too, and I lay it upon God's wisdom to choose the perfect man to be my lifetime partner.

The other night, (Wenesday, September 5, 2012), I wrote a letter to my unknown husband. Here goes:

Dear unknown husband,

A little earlier, I was walking home alone. It was either the full moon or the long conversation I just had with a friend about the future that inspired me to write to you. Whatever it is, I’m really excited to be writing you this letter. There are about a hundred things I want you to know about me. But I think I’ll save that for later. After all, we’ve got the rest of our lives to get to know each other.

I don’t know who you are, what kind of family you were raised into, what course you took up in college, what work you do, what your favorites are, or even how you look. All I’m sure is this: you are my answered prayer.

Since I want a married life that is aligned with God’s will, I’ve recently stopped trying to look for the qualities I want from every prospective, single guy I meet, hoping that he’d be “the one.” I realized that every attempt to control my love life ends in frustration, regret and futility. Finally taking a cue from the Bible, I learned to “be still” (Psalm 46:10) and wait for that one man God has been preparing for my mate. Instead of dictating the specifics, I prayed to God to take the pen from my hands and start writing my love story as He wishes. I surrender completely to His bidding, knowing that He knows what’s best for me. Trusting fully that God’s will is always “good, pleasing and perfect” (Romans 12:2), I’ve learned to expect nothing less from the man the Lord has chosen for me – you.

When I pray to God for you, I do not ask Him for your eyes to be blue, or for you to have a law degree, or a big house and a hotshot car. When I pray about you, I pray for one thing. I ask God to bless my life with a man who loves Him more than anything in the world. I pray for a man with whom I will share a love that pleases God. I want not just any relationship, I want one that will endure. I want the kind of union that will serve and honor God. I want to be one-half of a couple whose life testimony will inspire and influence others to be the same.

I want a man whose first love is the Lord.

I want to build a relationship with Christ in the center. I’ve seen too many relationships broken because they have laid out their foundations on unstable ground. I don’t want to commit the same mistake. That is why I refuse to settle for anything less than a God-ordained relationship. A couple whose relationship is one that is deeply-rooted in Christ is "like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built." (Luke 6:48; NLT)

With Christ as the cornerstone, our home will be made of solid-rock foundation – one that is anchored in high moral and spiritual values. Our love, which comes from the Lord, is deep and true. I know I can trust in you to protect me and love me even as our hairs turn grey or if I put on some weight. And you can trust me to remain faithful and serve you all the days of our lives.

I promise to be your partner and friend first, wife second. I will eagerly listen to you when you rant about your day’s work, or when you simply want to tell a joke. More than being a wife who feeds you well, massages your tired body and makes you feel good about yourself, I promise to support you in everything you do, even when it sounds overly absurd or ambitious. I'll forever be your number one fan. Above all, I promise that you will have a wife who will always love you no matter what. A wife you could go home to and feel loved and secure every single time.

I want no one else but you.

I do not mind waiting. Take your time. Be all that you want to be. Savor life and all its possibilities. Take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way while I do the same. You are God’s gift to me. And I know that the Lord has saved our meeting for a special time – that is, when we are both ready. Right now, I am using this season of waiting to be the perfect gift to you as well. Please know that I am committing myself to you. I am saving my heart and self only for you. I want to be the wife you will be proud of and thankful for.

For now, I surrender my heart to God for safe-keeping. He’ll guard and nurture it for His appointed time. I know that He will guard it dearly and will not just hand it over to anyone but you. Rest assured in this. The wait could take months or years, but knowing what wonderful gift awaits me… a long and fruitful married life with you, I know it will be so worth it.

Wherever you are right now, may God keep you cloaked in His love and protection. And I trust that God, in His perfect time and season, will bring us together. In the meantime, I pray that the Lord will help both of us get prepared for that joyous occasion. I wait for that day in happy anticipation.

Take care, my love.

Loving you already,

Ela

On prayer and weight loss

My Tita Ching sent me this "interesting" text message this morning:

"Congrats!!! Super laki ng pinayat mo since we went to Dagupan last July 2011. Look  at the bright side. Being "Alfredless" was a blessing after all!!!"

(NOTE: I think I have not mentioned his name on this blog, but since I'm comfortable saying his name now, Alfred is the ex-boyfriend.)

Anywaaaaaay...

I was a bit surprised with the text since I haven't seen my Tita in months, and I haven't even been dieting or going to the gym lately. My lifestyle hasn't changed so much either. If anything, I've been living a sedentary life after I resigned from work. I've been eating out more often, too. No one has complimented me on a weight loss except her, so I wondered if she was bluffing.

I replied:

"Ano 'yun tita? Hindi pa naman tayo nagkikita ha?"

And she texted back:

"Nakita ko pics nyo ni Sam sa FB eh, laki ng pinayat mo since umuwi tayo with Alfred sa Dagupan last year." 

Oh, Facebook. :) I didn't have to ask her which FB picture she saw as her subsequent text message to me was:

"Btw, hindi bagay yung shoes mo with the floral blouse. Dapat naka-strappy sandals ka lang."

Okay. First she notices I've slimmed down, and then comments on my mismatched outfits. :)

So here's the picture in question:

This was taken at UP Diliman last Saturday. My sister and I went to watch Eiga Sai, the annual Japanese Film Festival. This picture is raw (meaning unedited). I actually have an edited version, but for the sake of comparison, I decided to use this version. "Au naturel"... warts and all. (By the way, are the shoes that bad?)

While here is a photo taken during our family reunion in 2011 which was my tita's reference to my "pagpayat". Tell me what you think:

By the way, this too wasn't edited. I just cropped it. It was taken precisely a year and a month ago. 

I can't be scientific on how much I've lost, I haven't been checking the scales. But hey! I think I've really shed some pounds! Thinking about it now, I'm now able to wear some of my old clothes, while the newer ones are about a size or two smaller. I also wear a belt now when wearing jeans (which is seldom now since most my jeans are big on me.) I'm always either wearing leggings or dresses. 

This has been such a blessing since like I said, I haven't exactly been following any fitness regimen or observing a certain diet program. No. I'm just busy living life. Being happy. Rejoicing in singlehood. Lavishing in all the blessings the Lord has been showering upon me. All the while pala, the Lord has also been silently working on one of my weak areas -- my weight problem. 

This is not to say I did not do ANYthing. I did. I prayed. I prayed every night for God to heal my constipation. I prayed for God to remove any of my unhealthy eating habits. I prayed for God to help me with my struggle with weight. It was the only thing I did. It was, after all, the only thing I needed to do. 

It is by being immersed in God's love that I had diverted my focus and efforts from trying to lose weight and just embracing and loving myself for all I am. It was during this shift in perspective that I noticed something change in me. I no longer feel so bad about being plump, instead, I've learned to revel in my own beauty, in my own uniqueness. And while I am not so self-absorbed in my physical limitations, I've started working on how to make myself better professionally, spiritually and emotionally. That's is when the drastic change took place. I started losing weight without even noticing it. Or without even actually trying.

Now, I trust in God more than ever. He says, "be still and know I am God" (Psalm 46:10). It is one of my favorite verses. It reminds me that He is in control, and that I just need to trust that He knows what He's doing. I know God has more wonderful plans in my life, as long as I submit to Him all of my hearts desires. There is nothing too big, too small, or too impossible for our God. All we need is to keep still, trust and be expectant of His wonderful provisions in our lives.

*PostScript:

This is not to say that going to the gym, exercising or following a diet plan aren't necessary. I've seen friends whose fitness plans worked wonders for them. I just believe it's also as equally important to pray for your goals and ask God to help you achieve them.