Advice to Singles: Forget the Fairy Tale

As little girls, we grew up watching Disney fairy tales and pretending we were one of them, waiting for Prince Charming to break the spell with a kiss, sweep us off our feet and live "happily ever after".

When we were kids, we believed that we'll grow up pretty like the princesses, have shiny tresses that sway in the wind and slim, svelte bodies that look good in any outfit (Didn't Cinderella look stunning in rags and an apron, and Ariel in a tail and fins?) But we grew up and had zits and bad hair days, and PMS, and heartaches. And Prince Charming? While in fairy tales, you kiss frogs and they turn into men, in real life, you learn that kissing men could actually turn them into "frogs".

But more than anything, I think fairy tales have a way of distorting the truth about marriage. It suggests that once two people marry, they are bound to a life of "happy ever after". Another interpretation is that all of us are one-half of a whole, and that we won't really be complete until we find ourselves a husband for us to truly find happiness. That is why a lot of women are willing to do everything just to find themselves a husband. 

They compromise their standards and settle for what's available just to get married at all costs. They consult fortune tellers, wear charms, recite mantras, flirt, date randomly and settle for every prospective man they meet.

Desperation reeks like a bad perfume. And instead of finding the right man, they jump from one bad relationship to the next, setting them up for one heartbreak to another.

The truth is, you can be married and still feel anxious. You may feel like you married Prince Charming -- strong-jawed, big biceps, ruggedly handsome -- you may feel like you won the husband lottery. But once the fairy dust wears off, reality sets in and the flaws begin to show, you realize that no magic spell might be enough to keep you together.

You can be married and still feel incomplete. Being married does not allay your fears, in fact, it even magnifies them. When you marry, your problems actually become bigger. After getting married, you get concerned about having children. With having children, you have to worry about food, medical expenses, school funds, insurance, and a lot of other "adult problems".

This is definitely NOT what I had signed up for!

I am not discouraging you against getting married. I actually want to marry eventually (but only to the man God wants for me). I am only saying that marriage will not complete you and that it should not be your ultimate purpose. Being a wife and a mother, although a good thing, is not the end-all-be-all of your existence. And if you, like me, are waiting for that appointed time when you would meet the man of your dreams, do not despair. You may be waiting for a while (even longer), but rest assured that no time is wasted. God knows what He is doing and that you are exactly where God wants you to be at this moment. He is both preparing you and your future husband for your beautiful love story to unfold.

God plants desires in our hearts. So if you have a desire in your heart to marry, know that God has placed that longing in your heart. God is good and true. His love endures forever. Have faith that He loves you and wants only what is best for you. If He knows that it will be best for you to marry, He will give it to you -- only in His timetable, not yours.

While you are in the season of waiting, I want to impart to you a valuable lesson: the story of Rebekkah from the Bible.

Rebekkah was no princess. She was a priest's daughter. She knew the hard life. Every day, she and her sisters draw water from the well for drinking. It was on one of these occasions that she was chosen to be the wife of the only son of the wealthiest man in all of Jerusalem.

Let me offer some context. Abraham, in his old age, instructed one of his servants to look for a wife for his son and heir Isaac. The servant, who traveled a long distance prayed to the Lord for a sign -- that the woman the Lord has chosen for his master shall give him and his camels water to drink. That seemed to be a pretty reasonable thing for the gentlemen to ask for coming a long way. But it wasn't as easy as it seemed. Camels are known to drink bucket loads of water after a very long trip in the desert. When the servant asked Rebekkah for water, she offered to give to each of his camels as well. It meant having to draw water from a deep well a number of times to quench the thirst of a stranger and his herd of stinky camels. Assuming there were at least 10 camels who each can gulp 10 buckets of water, that means Rebekkah had to draw water at least 100 times! All this without Rebekkah even asking what's in it for her.

There is an interesting bit of this story that is often unnoticed, but serves a very essential reminder to all women-in-waiting. The servant found Rebekkah in an act of service -- she was not waiting idly, she was not lazy.

Ladies, you don't have to play damsel-in-distress and wait for your knight in shining armor and his mighty steed to carry you off in his castle where you will live happily ever after.

Be like Rebekkah. On that fateful day, I doubt if she had known that good fortune was coming for her. She definitely wasn't aware that she was bucket loads of water away from meeting the man of her dreams. She simply did the right thing. She didn't have to bat her eyelashes, pout her lips, or wear skimpy clothing. Her beauty radiated through her act of service. As a result, she did not only get herself a husband, but became a part of the lineage of Jesus himself. By allowing love to find her, instead of her doing the work herself, she allowed God to give her the best destiny possible.

When we do the tasks we have at hand with joy and the intent of honoring God, it becomes an act of worship to the Lord. While waiting, remain in an act of worship. Be excellent in all that you do and allow God to give you the sweetest reward. It may come in the form of the husband you were praying for, but even if the answer is different, let the "joy of the Lord" be your strength and your purpose.

And lastly, I want to remind you of the love you deserve. You deserve a man who will not only be your lover, but your protector, provider and leader. More than sweeping you off your feet, he will lead you to Jesus and be a man fitting of your submission and respect. With this kind of man, you don't need to compromise or or bend over backwards just to get their approval. Allow God to bring into your life the person that He has prepared for you.  

While you wait, enjoy life and be all you want to be. Use this time to enjoy the things that freedom offers (with caution, of course) while you are not yet encumbered by the concerns of having a husband and children.

While you are waiting, I advise you to look for role models. Christian couples whose married lives bring honor to God, whose center is the love of Christ and are rooted in the word of the Lord. Follow their examples. Aspire for a love like theirs. It won't be easy, but a godly union is blessed beyond compare. And if God asks you to wait a little while to experience that kind of love, don't you think it is all worth it?